Eugene

    This weekend my dad took me to Eugene to watch the Oregon Ducks' spring, which was a scrimmage so the fans can see all the new prospects for the season. As the game began, it immediately stood out the lead candidate for replacing our first round, second pick quarterback was Jeff Locke. Jeff Locke has been the back up quarterback for Marcus Mariota. As accustomed, there were quite a few trick plays, but we really saw the bulk and depth of our team. It was a warm day, although the wind was a little gusty. But for the most part, it was really nice. At half time we went to concessions and got hotdogs, and soon after, the game started up for the second half. Gameplay went on, and one side won the game. After the game, all the players lined up on the sidelines and gave the veterans their jerseys. After that, we filed out of the stadium and got into our car. The we headed to Burger King to get milkshakes and went home. It was really nice to get a chance to spend time with my family.

Season

Gymnastics season is officially over. I should feel relieved. I do, but I am also sad. Now I don't have anything to look forward to. There isn't a meet to get ready for in a week or in a couple weeks. Now we are going to learn new skills for eight months. Eight months.
If you can do some basic math you can figure out that our season is four months. But our season is somewhat special and different from the lower levels. Since we are called "Optionals" we have a different season, for one thing the lower levels or "compulsories" have two seasons. One in the fall and one in the spring. The reason we don't have two seasons a year is because it takes us almost eight months to get all of our new skills, when it will take them two weeks to get their new skills. They also don't get to make up their routines, while we do. They are usually young and still come to gymnastics every day because they think its fun. They work every day in the hope that they can become an optional. In the hope that they can become us.
But a lot of them don't understand that while a lot of them have the drive and determination right now, it takes a lot to stay in this sport after level 5. It is hard to stay in this sport when you get past 6th grade. Especially in junior high and high school it is hard to stay in this sport. You want to join the volleyball team or do track. You want to do these other sports and if you are going to stay in gymnastics, you can't. Its just that simple, in order to get to the upper levels you cant do any other sports. You have to have all your time invested. All your focus on this sport.

Don't they wonder why there are only 5 Optionals? When in level 3 there are about 25? When in level 4 there are about 20? And in level 5 there are about 6. It gets harder and harder to stay in this sport. The tricks get harder and harder, everything gets more intense.  Bigger meets, more pressure, more stress.
As a level 8 I am the top level in my gym. Along with 3 of my other team mates. But one of them is leaving... getting pulled by the endless thoughts of wanting to do another sport.

The End-Of-Year Slump

Well, I've reached that point in the year. I now call it the "End-Of-Year Slump". Every year, for reasons I fail to understand, I start becoming lethargic in all my classes, with grades dropping to the bare minimum. I also start to inflict injuries on myself (usually the head) around this time of year. Of course, the Slump's effects never really occur in that order. While the first slump of mine began in the 7th grade, and the self-injury began the year after, my first recollection of something resembling the Slump's effects happened in the 5th grade. Please, don't ask. It wasn't a pretty moment, and I haven't truly recovered. Of course, maybe the reason I couldn't recognize the Slump any other years before is both because my work ethic was spotty the entire year between the 2nd and 6th grades, and the fact that they only started giving us access to our grades in the 7th grade onwards.

My 7th grade year's slump was, while quite tame on the physical harm side, quite harrowing on the gradebook side. For one, my grade in Social Studies was an IP (our system's new term for a D). I managed to get some work in, but not enough. To save myself, I had to cash in all the extra credit slips I had been stocking up on over the year. Figures as much that in my 8th grade year, they abolished the extra credit system altogether. My grades in the 8th grade were on a similar note, although I was able to salvage them all (except PE, which was stuck on a B). However, I was noticeably stressed after PE in my 1st period, notably because in my next period, band, I would just hole myself up in my corner and repeatedly bash my head in with a music stand. This usually continued through 3rd period. The end of the year was probably my least-favorite and most anti-climatic end of the year I've had to date. It'll be that way for some time, since I'm missing the end of this year for a Williams College alumni meeting my mom is attending. I felt quite depressed at the end of the year. Now that the year had ended, I would just fade into the shadows once again until fall rolled around and I got involved in whatever the heck a forensics is. (I no longer regret making that decision, but I still couldn't live with myself if I had to repeat what I've went through)

The Final Tournament

Hello everyone, I've returned from the forensics state championships.

Unfortunately, I failed to reach semifinals in radio. I blame this on the fact that one of my judges completely missed the fact that my radio station was a parody of NPR, but I'm not disappointed. I'm quite relieved, really. Now that this tournament is over, I can finally rest. Just in time for the end-of-year slump, where I'll probably have to spend entire weekends working on homework. But that's a blog post for later...

Best Friends

"Of all the things which wisdom provides to make us entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship."

-Epicurus 

Codenames, secret languages, fantasy plan for the future, inside jokes.

Not everyone has someone who knows them inside out.

What is it that makes us pick a human and want to stick around with them?

Solitare!

   Some people might see black jack, poker, or even go-fish as the primary card games. In my mind, however, solitare is the best card game in the world. Lately it seems I have been "titling"  things as, "The best in the world," but this game really is. It tests your mind by making you remember cards, recognize color, and create strategies to collect cards. My friend and I are both fairly into this game, and we have even discussed starting a club. But for the time being, we are very competitive. Solitare is probably one of the things I'm most addicted to at the moment, and I encourage everyone to play this game.

A Little Self-Rant on My Self-Deprecation

First, I'd like to talk about how I know what I'm bringing upon myself by writing this. I feel that half of the pain of depression is the depression itself; the other half is dealing with the people around you. You can't simply tell people that you're depressed. Otherwise, you just get an empty lecture that doesn't really mean anything to you about optimism, happiness, etc. In reality, you can't really stop depression. It's an all-consuming void, sometimes altering your logic in the case where I seem to want to cause even more harm to myself. At least, this is my case. I know that everyone’s just going to tell me to stop harming myself like this as if you can just flip a switch and end it. Heh… It’s really that easy, isn’t it? That’s why I don’t let anyone know or try to help me. It’s just as Hyperbole and a Half describes it- It’s like I’ve got a pair of dead fish, but everyone ignores that fact and tries to go find them or something. So please, don’t talk to me about this. I know what you’re going to try to say, and I honestly am not really interested.

My Little Alien

Since I was around eleven years old, I've had what's called a "Ganglion Cyst" on the top of my left wrist. The first time I noticed it, I thought it was a bone, but it clearly wasn't. So I went to the doctor. 

WARNING.. slightly graphic descriptions and images below. Click 'read more' if you don't have a weak stomach. 

Districts Results

FUN IS INFINITE

Spring Break Overview: Hawaii- Coolnesses and Criticisms (Part 1)

If you read my previous post, you know already that I was over at Hawaii visiting our grandmother (or, as we call her, Obaachan). However, while this is a common occurrence, no one knows what these kinds of trips are like. Sometimes, I plan to bring back souvenirs of sorts. But otherwise, what we actually do there is up to everyone's guessing. Maybe we visit all the great tourist destinations, like Waikiki beach and Diamond Head? In reality, what we do there is a combination of touristy stuff and more mundane activities, like house maintenance. So, to start up the final leg of school year after spring break (and it couldn't have come any sooner), I'll be sharing today as in-deph as possible what our trips are like. This can be both a look at island life, and the answer to what really goes on those few days when I'm out of school for those reading who know who I am. (Thank you guys for not spoiling who I am, by the way. We're not supposed to be known to the internet)

I recently invested in a book, simply because I'd heard so many things about it, called "Wreck This Journal". It has become a really cool thing to spend time working on, because it's entire purpose is to help you become more creative and  sort of "color out of the lines" by wrecking the book itself in many ways. It is a very eccentric concept and I have enjoyed throwing it out of multiple windows, sleeping with it, showering with it, and carrying it with me everywhere I go. It is really a good purchase if you have anyone in need of a gift, especially if they need a sense of inspiration. I got mine online for about $15. 

Proficiency Grading

    Proficiency grading has taken over the traditional system of letter grading. This brings some large improvements but also some major flaws. Proficiency grading is meant to help colleges get a good estimate of what you know. It helps teachers stay unbiased towards their students too. A minor help is that it lets students see their GPA in real time instead of on their report card when it is too late to fix it. With these positive changes come some problems too. Before proficiency grading, there was a deadline for every assignment and if you missed that assignment, you failed it, with no make ups. This sudden change to proficiency grading also affects how students view their grades.

My Dream Job

 Everyone asks what I want to do when I'm older. They say everyone has a dream job even if they don't want to share it. Well, I don't think that's true. I have no idea what I want to do.

Why is there so much pressure to know what you want to do when your older? I have dreams, and they are for the future, but they are not for after high school. One of my biggest dreams is to become a level 10 in gymnastics. That is a pretty far goal and even my parents don't know it is that possible. Especially because our head coach is going to move, we just don't know how soon. This is my dream, I don't care if I am a senior in high school when I get there.

As for my future, I wish there wasn't so much pressure on my shoulders to decide what I want to do. This week we are forecasting for next year. Everyone says to pick classes (in high school) that will help me for college and help my future. What classes am I supposed to pick if I don't know what my future will hold? 

Hopefully my mind will make up what it wants to do before its too late.

So I've Figured Out What I Want to Do...

My sister wants to be an engineer. My dad was a lawyer. My mom is a doctor. But all I want to do is own a coffee shop.



I know dreams are not always supposed to be reached: they are something to hold on to and to hope for until reality catches up with you. I used to have lots of those dreams, like being an Olympic gymnast or inventing something that would change the world forever. Maybe winning the Nobel peace prize. But the thing is, my sister will reach her dream, she will become an engineer. At least I know she has the capability. And that's when I realized; if she can achieve hers, why shouldn't I get mine?



I want to create a space that is inviting. Like being wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket in front of the fireplace after being outside in a snowstorm. A place where people go when they need to think, or they need to escape. Because life is stress, and if I can create something that helps just one person, I want to do it. There will be big armchairs and fluffy pillows and lights strung all across the walls that are always on. A safe haven, that's what I want it to feel like.



But then I feel like there will always be someone going "Wow, she wasted her intelligence and her opportunity to really impact the world on a coffee shop." It may sound silly, but the way you touch peoples' lives is your impact on the world. A smile as you hand them a cup of hot chocolate, even just providing a place of peace. I've realized that the only thing I need to be is happy. I don't need to be another person's idea of success, I don't need to be a fancy engineer or a doctor or a lawyer.



I just need to be me.



And I am that coffee shop.